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A friend was telling me about her current stalker who choose to send her messages on facebook but doesn’t wait for her reply‚ meaning he replies with the answers to his questions and continues to keep talking. I told her that is actually pretty cool because her stalker requires no interaction from her. As long you don’t block him, you can just let him keep sending his messages and you can keep deleting them and everyone is happy. She didn’t think that was a good idea. She wanted to send emails to facebook, admins, the army, blah blah blah. She was like, Dawan what do you know about having a stalker!!! Ooooohhhh young lady if you only knew. I’ve had a couple stalkers in my time. There was my 4^rd grade stalker who tired to kill me after she saw me talking to her sister. They were identical twins, how was I suppose to know! Then there was my college stalker who started calling my frat brother demanding my number because she ‘loved me’ then proceed to call me 47 times a day. Yes 47 on the dot (my college football number)!! I can’t forget the part where she said she told her mom about us and wanted me to give her my address so she could ‚send me something. Yeah right lady!!!! That’s what the Unabomber use to tell his victims before he sent them a very special package. But I think the most memorable, was my 03 stalker. I like a scoop of really expensive caviar, she left a foul taste in my mouth.

Who could forget the summer of 2003 in DC? I sure can’t that was the summer my world was rocked. Ha ha. I was dating this girl, let’s call her‚ Chi-Town Stalker. So Chi-Town Stalker and I had dated for about 2 months and I think she was use to guys letting her do her think mainly because she was just out of college and still kinda playing games. I explained to her up front that was really what I was about and after a couple months I was forced to use my baseball backgroud and implement the 3 strike rule. Yeah I know its harsh but I had CC Sebathia her aka K her aka 3 strikes your out her aka sit you @zz on the bench you just got rung up her. Ok I got a little to hype there but you know what I mean. Anyway, the thing I think we can all say about dating and relationships is you never know how the other person is going to take it break up/break off. You have the, its cool, I fully understand, I hope we can be friends ex (1 in a million). Then you have the, I never want to talk to you again in life, I hope you choke on a chicken bone, kill yo self, kill yo self, kill-y0-self ex (the majority). And then you have the very mature, its all good I’ll just stalk you until you leave the state or charges are filed ex aka Chi-town Stalker.

It started off actually pretty harmless, yet weird of course. Late night voicemails saying she missed, but at 5am, escalating to, showing up at my stand-up shows and just hiding in the shadows in the back of the room. I’m like is that you the ghost of Christmas past? Then eventually escalating to the night it all went down hill.

Most of the people who know me from DC know I use to be a promoter with a group of great guys and we managed a website called Flow Insiders, which is still a staple in DC.

Sidebar: Dang I just realized I could be doing advertising in my blogs. So I was walking on stage last night I knew if I was going to have a great show I needed to have a COKE. COKE- The Coke Side of Life!! I need to think about this, back to the blog.

So we were throwing our weekly party called AIR in downtown DC and it’s a great night. So I’m a little inebriated, maybe dropping it low I feel this tap on the shoulder…yep you guessed it Harriet Tubman. Ok Ok it wasn’t Harriet, (but that would been far more interesting a story) it Chi-town Stalker. At this point in time she hasn‚’t even completely earned the name yet as she is balancing the line between weird and stalker. So we start chatting it up and its very cordial, how you been, how life, nice party‚ cordial. It was so cordial it almost seemed normal(first trick of a stalker).

We talk for a good 30 minutes and I tell her it was good to talk to her but I‚’m about to head home to which she responds, you think you give me a ride home I had to take a cab down here. I was like girl!!!! ‚ ok. :-/ So we are on the way to my house and everything is cool just like when we first met. I know, I know, its not my fault!!! Blame it on the‚ got you feelin–got-dang-me (bangin my head on the keyboard). I can’t even blame it on that because I was sober by this time‚ well until we go to my house and we decided to have a drink and watch a movie.

Sidebar: For the the low processor, I was suppose to take her home and now we are at my house. Somebody give me a Homer Simpson.

**I raising my right hand** I solemnly swear that everything you are about to read ACTUALLY HAPPENED.

I realize that if I did the deed I would be now re-opened the fluid gates and decide, to tell her, you know what I’m going to take you home. Her respond, I’m not leaving. Excuse me? This is my house. So I respond, ‚Oh yes you are (with a nervous ha ha after it). Which then turns into 3^rd graders determined not to lose‚ ohhh yes you are ‚ oooh no I’m not‚ ooohhh yes you are‚ ooohhhh no I’m not!!! oooohhhh yes yes yes you are!!!!!! I’m have actually stepped out of my boy because how you going to tell me you not leaving my house. That makes you scared to take date if a girl can just walk in your house call MINE-ZZZZ and not have to leave.

She finally gives in and we are back in my car on the way to her house. She is just scowling. Not even 5 minutes into the drive my phone rings so like normal I pick it up. Hey whats girl, how are you?TWO to the arm and ONE to face‚ Chi-town Stalker goes OOOFFFFFF ON ME!!!!!!! Get off the phone who the hell are you talking too?!!!!! …which then causes a chain reaction, me to swerve, her to hit her head on the side of the door, and the lights of the cop behind me to go on. :.-(As I’m looking for my registration and a mint, I just hear in this deep almost Barry White like voice, Son how much have you had to drink, to which I reply a beer sir he goes, Son, my noise is like a bloodhound. I look up and dude really looked like a human version of a bloodhound. Like he lost his noise in Nam and they had to replace it with a bloodhound’s. He goes, you have two choices, you can either go to jail or you can let her drive, your choice. It honestly was a hard decision but as you guessed Chi-town Stalker is behind the wheel. Did I forget to mention that Chi-town Stalker just got her license two weeks prior (I promise all true) and guess where we are headed too you guessed it BACK TO MY HOUSE.

As we are driving she starts doing this weird laugh, turns to me and goes, ‚ÄúI should crash this car right now.” In situations like this I normally by pass all the convo and realize I need to go straight to the man him: Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me…please comfort me Lawd. We get back to my house and she hopes right into my bed like we are happy newly weds. I explain that I’m just going to watch tv down stairs to release some of the stress (and conveniently not come up). I think I sleep with a small saucepan in my pants just in case she decided in the middle of the night to try and take my manhood in one swift move.

The shades are left wide open so once that sun hits the crack of my eye I’m up and at em’. ALLL ABOARD!!! I get her up and halfway home before she even realizes whats going on. We get to her house and she gets out the car, slams the door and is like, ‚ÄúI don’t ever want to hear from you again!!!”" Touchdown…and thus I never heard from the Chi-town Stalker again… Well after I left the state…

You asked a good question…I was wearing the wool hat last couple of years simply because I was growing my hair. I have now recalled that my Tai Chi master stressed repeatedly that in TCM (Traditional Chinese Medicine) the first line of defense for winter is ears covered. It is initially annoying to have the wool hat. Thereafter I get totally used to it.

Between ‚Äúthe doctors we have and the ‚Äúmeds” we have” and a wool hat… Wool hat seems so much more attractive.

Qigong and Tai Chi are more tricky than I imagined. The trickery is that it works too well… When the vibe changes quickly the body and mind are not necessarily able to catch up as quick. Qigong as in Wild Goose is meant to be a 30 year training path from young. It is like you experience a winter every time you do it. Lots of qi is generated and accumulated. It would seems like the best compromise and line of defense would be the woolen hat for colder weather. I do believe that in the long run the learning would be deeper and eventually the vulnerability would subside. The whole ‚Äúopinion” of cold is becoming a dominant unlearning and relearning in Tai Chi. Qi is lots of ‚Äúcold” to the mind even on a hot day. That double cold coupled with amplified opening of the chest and breathing pathways is out of the ordinary…

It is like entering a whole new domain and new life. In most Western med as it is until now, qi is sickness. Feeling alive has been suppressed. The absurd. Suddenly you learn to relate differently to pain, cold, hot, movement, gravitation.

I know this for a fact. The Qigong and Tai Chi masters that I see (those that are focused on health with emphasis on Qigong foundation) as well as the Dalai Lama appear very healthy and balanced in a good way. They truly project good health. Most other health alternatives that I know do not manifest that. So my intention is to make a deliberate effort to stick with it with progressive learning and back off a little bit as needed.

Most yoga people that I know -> I can not experience this level of health with them. Yoga as sold here encompasses lots of over stretching and going against instincts. Tai Chi and Qigong are rather aligned with our true instincts. (IMO).

It is tremendous for computer work. The Tai Chi and Qigong make the hands float easily and effortless over the keyboard.

I can gradually open doors without effort. I can find the exact resistance of the door. Driving is becoming easier every day. Maintaining Eagle visions is become second nature. I can also drive well in the morning without any tea/coffee. That is a tremendous benefit. I found the when we get very attached to the morning coffee/tea eventually comes the time that we are not able to function well when tired. With Tai Chi this is like living in working meditation.

My impression is that our dentist (name removed to protect the innocent)simply grew up with a father that lived this ways via training that was passed in many generations. Most doctors with his 25+ years of experience are looking like they are falling apart. Our dentist seems as healthy as us. In traditional Japanese business the people live in meditative vibe 24×7.

It is not even that cold. The Tai Chi masters explained that we can related to the climate change via the walls. We are experiencing the change and our bodies adjust white blood cells etc. Keeping hermetically warm would also fail. We need the feet/hands to sense the cold. But the ears and head were in our nature covered by long hair and protected… That is my guess.

I made the mistake of using Gortex shoes and too much gloves in the past. Nope. We need to experience some of the cold in a good way.

Such is my experience so far.

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I have to start by saying one of my favorite past times on the weekends is eating popcorn. The only problem with this is that the only way I can get the type popcorn I really want is to go see a movie. I think it’s racial…ha ha. So this past weekend, to get some popcorn, I went to see the much anticipated new movie Precious at Landmark movie theatre in LA.

One of the main things I love about going to the movies is to ease drop. *to the tune of Head Bussa* I don’t know about you but I’mma Ease Dropper. …especially at a movie like Precious, which brings very drastic points of view from people based on what they have heard or read about the film. One couple was saying they heard it was the film of the year, another couple was saying they just knew they were going to cry and one douche bag (can’t believe I used that phrase) was trying to showoff to his date and tell her how he spent years on the inner city streets of Chicago where he helped many of a kid like Precious. Word Son? I’m sorry, your trendy outfit and you complaining about how valet was full, so its ridiculous the WALK you had to take from the garage, really doesn’t add up to me…but that’s just me, I’m just the Ease Dropper. I don’t know about you but I’m an Ease Dropper (I just had to sing it again).

Anyway, so we are nearing the climax of the movie and things are getting out of control!!

Sidebar: If you haven’t seen the movie I won’t give it away, but I will just say, where did the second UNBROKEN TV come from (that’s just me, I’m big on detail)?

We are just about to hit the climax, of the movie that is, and BOOM!!!! Yes there was a boom…movie screen goes blank. I’m thinking oh my gosh is this part of the movie…that’s so powerful…wait why are the fire alarms going off…dang they planned that too…they are so right, this is the movie of the year!! Still noot sure why it took me about 5 whole minutes to realize their was an actual fire. We evacuate the building and let me just say their is a certain group of people who tend to not realize their surrounds and this group of people decided they wanted to stand right in front of the door not realize there is about another 500 people who need to get out of the building. I may not remember a lot from 3rd grade but I do remember that when there is a fire you are supposed to cross the street. Thank you Mrs. Hatcher you did make an impact!

After about 15 minutes and two fire trucks later, we are allowed back in after it’s determined that some douche bag (so nice I used it twice) threw a lit cigarette in a planter INDOORS. See he deserved that name. I digress, so we get into the film only to have them start the movie 3 minutes ahead of where it left off. When the movie ends we are pleasantly informed by the manager that if we keep our ticket stubs we can come back and see it again for free. What? I don’t want to see that movie again for a couple of reasons:

1. Because last time I saw it there was a fire and I don’t need a pattern to start developing.
2. By far one of the most depressing movies I have ever seen. Why would I want to sit through that again? That’s not an old faithful you watch over and over. I will never be in my DVD collection. You don’t pull that over when company comes over. You will never hear say to one of my boys yeah son I’m about to go home and watch that Precious joint again. I just love the way it makes me feel about life.

Needless to say, go out and support the movie. Overall I think it is was very well done and the lead Gabourey Sidibe really shines. Seacrest out.

I’m not even sure where to start…As most of you know I’ve been talking about going to Panama since my conception. Ok that’s a little dramatic, maybe not that long but at least since January. Ha ha. …And what happened in Panama I have to say never happened to me before on vacation EVER!!!

Lets get right to it. I landed in Panama and I was just sick. Not sick like this is crazy to finally be here but actually my throat closed up, I can’t eat, talk or drink. I was literally sick!!!!!!! At first, I just thought it was a sore throat so the first night I fought through it like when Oscar was getting his butt toasted by Pacquio. But just like Oscar the beating could only go on but for so long. So I came to the conclusion that I needed to go to the hospital. Which then lead me to be like damn I need to find a hospital!! This probably would have been really easy if I could speak Spanish in full sentences… Thank God for the internet I found a Johns Hopkins hospital in Punta Pacifica. Ok now it was time to get my self together and get over to Punta Pacifica. WAIT where the hell is Punta Pacifica??? Is it right across the street, is it a suburb, do I have to take a plane then a boat and once I get off the boat ask for a man named Jose with a glass I who only walks with a limp on Thursdays? I don’t know!!! So I run down stairs (I was sick so it wasn’t a real run) to ask our welcoming/kind concierges, who was more than willing to explain to me how to get there… in SPANISH. At this point, I realized derechoa and izquierda weren’t going to be enough to get me there.

Sidebar: This is partially my fault because I should have realized the day before when I tired to get a ride to the Marriott hotel no one would give me a ride because in Panama its not pronounced Marriott its pronounced MarriOtt. Also fyi you have to pronounce every syllable in Spanish. I found this out because the street I was staying on was Calle 38 which I pronounced Trienta y Ocho but for some reason everyone thought I was saying ochenta y ocho which doesn’t exist and that along with Marriott with no extreme phrasing on the O got me kicked out of about 10 cabs. :-/

Anyway, so after finally just printing out a map I knew I needed to tell the homies. I knew they would be concerned because its scary for anyone to have to go to a hospital in a foreign country. Their response, ‚ÄúYou need us to go with you,” ie have fun finding your way by yourself homie I’m about to go out for a drink!!! :-/ As Dave Chappelle playing Rick James in one sketch said, Cold BLLLLLOOOOOOODDDDEDDD…but they are guys so I guess that’s the code we live by.

In my first visit to the hospital it was determined that I had strep throat and was prescribed an antibiotic pill and something for the inflammation. Guess what, dude was wrong. If I had known how to say that in Spanish I would have told him that next day when I had to go BACK to the hospital because my uvula was so enlarged it was just chilling on my tongue. This time I was able see a different doctor who determined I actually had Faringitis which is kinda the same thing but this one requires a different antibiotic…which, lets just say has to be administered, in a different type of way. OK OK I had to get a shoot in my @zz. In fact, not just one shot but a total of 4 different shots in my @zz over the course of 3 days, there I said it, laugh it up.

So basically, the majority of my trip and MY BIRTHDAY was spent at Hospital Punta Pacifica. Shouts out to doctor Vega and nurse Velarde. I did get to see the Panama Canal, Santa Clarita beach and some Cosco Viejo but was in pain most of the time.

PS Yes I’m sure I didn’t have swine flu so save the jokes. Ha ha

Wow in the words of the great philosopher Timbaland, ‚Äú…its been a long time, since I left you, with out a dope blog to laugh too.” Ok it didn’t quit go like that but just consider it the remix.

Dang, some much has been going on…where do I begin??!!! I sounded real valley girl-ish right there. Ok let me get my bearings, ‚ÄúShame on a nucca, who tried to run game on a nucca.” Ok I’m good now. Sometimes you gotta recite a Wu-Tang verse or two to get your manhood back…I digress. Anyway, so those who know me know from the past when I get quiet something is definitely up. So hopefully I’ll be able to confirm, soon, that what I have been working on is definitely a go by the end of next month if not before. So please keep checking in on me. One thing I can tell you about, is that one of my best friends Erin Jackson was on the Ellen Show and I was right there to watch her day-time television debut…and she was right there to watch me potentially get banned from the show for life!!! :-/

I normally would start by telling you how nice the day was, how Ellen was in person, how I’m changing the name of the parties involved to protect the innocent, f@$@#$#@ that. I’m getting right to the point!! Roy Wood Jr, a comedian, born in Birmingham Alabama now residing in the Los Angeles area, approximately 5″9′, 185 pounds black male assailant…ok he didn’t actually attack me but it’s his fault. Is there a law word for that? Anyway, so Roy Wood Jr (diva) made it very clear that he would not sit in the audience for the actual show. He said and I quote, he had done his research and he realized that to sit in the audience you have to be a part of the big smile and dance number at the type of Ellen’s shows and he didn’t want to be seen on camera smiling and dancing, let alone be seen smiling and dancing next to another man smiling and dancing, end quote. Frankly, I’m a pretty good dancer and had planned to keep the smiling to a minimum, so I was not afraid of being seen in the light that Roy Wood Jr was referencing. Also for safety measures, I wore a button down shirt, a cross and a wife beater (showing just a taste) which says I know how to dress but I still got a little G in me.

Well the show starts and Roy Wood Jr (damn right I’m going to keep saying his full name so you guys don’t forget the assailant) is laughing at these nice people getting their off beat dance on.

CUT TO: Ellen playing a game with three audience members and giving the winner an IPOD touch.
CUT TO: Ellen surprising the other two contestants with IPOD Touches.
CUT TO: Ellen surprising the entire audience and giving them all IPOD Touches!!!
**I hope you see where this is going**

That means everyone one who was in the audience got an IPOD Touch. That means everyone one who sucked it up and danced off beat got an IPOD Touch. That means that if I had been sitting in the audience I would have gotten an IPOD Touch buuuttttttt nnnnnnoooooooooooo Roy Wood Jr wanted to be too cool for school (that’s right I said it) and sit in the green room.

So I immediately run out in the hallway to find one of the producers to see if we can get iPods as well. He assures me he’ll try his best but is not sure he can get them because they only had enough for the PEOPLE IN THE AUDIENCE. About 15 minutes later he enters the room with last remaining iPod in the building. So now it’s a western movie stare off between me and Roy Wood Jr (the full name won’t stop). After about 10 minutes of stare and squinting, we decide that Erin is the one who should get the iPod because obviously its her day. Ohhhh yeah Erin, right, the reason we were there. :-/

It’s now time for Erin to go on and they tell us that we can go out and watch Erin perform. Of course, Erin does her thing, Ellen loves her and it brings the show to close. As the show is closing and the music is playing I notice out of the corner of my eye that Roy Wood Jr is now dancing and smiling uncontrollable, which makes me think that he has either been hypnotized by the gay-@zz music OR he is up to something. He then proceeds to hit me with this jewel, ‚ÄúLook around, no one has iPods yet. That means they are getting them on their way out!!! If we just hold tight as long as we are not the last two people to leave, we can get iPods.” He then proceeds to tell me where he is parked and if we get separated meet him back at the car (think I’m lying ask him yourself http://www.myspace.com/roywoodjr). He has now started to foam at the mouth from the thought of his master plan but by this time one of the producers had come back to escort us back to the green room. What does Roy Wood Jr say to her? ‚ÄúUmmmm we are fine, we are just going stay right here and hang out for a while” Hang out for a while? This ain’t no pool hall… So of course, 10 minutes later what was one producer is now 3 and they are staring dead at us with their arms folded. Roy Wood Jr’s plan, is not to look at them, like we invisible Negros and they can’t see us as long as we don’t look their way. Needless to say they could see us; they finally escort us back to the green room and escort us off the set of the Ellen Show. All that to say Roy Wood Jr is the reason why black folk can’t have nothing. On behalf of my entire race I would like to say Thanks Roy. Thanks a lot.