You Just Going to Jack Me for My Stuff?
Original Post Date: October 17, 2007
After about 6 months I finally had a chance to make it back to the B-more streets to see my family. It’s good to see my mom because she always reminds me where I got my sense of humor from. Well at least on day one and two. ha ha. You know how it is…day one is the catering to you day, I’m not going to ask you any question. They just want you to come in, sit down and let them look at you. They’ll make whatever you want for dinner? You want your favorite dessert? I know you love to watch football. Take your lunch in the living room and eat in there while I act like I don’t care, so what you couldn’t do it when you were a kid. …like I said, that last for about one or two days then slowly but surely they switch on you. Welcome home pimpin!
I give it to mom dukes (NY slang to reference the woman who gave birth to you) because she tired her best to hold off as long as she could with the long line of questioning. She actually set a personal best, 3 days. I think she almost lost it on day two but Heroes came on and I think she forgot.
And sooooooo it begins….It always starts with, “So how are things?” **She likes to start vague and work her way to specifics** How is the weather? You brushing your teeth daily? How is stand up going? How was such and such audition? How is your best friend doing? How is ______ (insert the name of every girl I ever dated and repeating the question)? So who are you dating now? When do you think you’ll get married? One after another, after another and I’m like a super hero trying to block her bullets with my sword…tink tink tink. Little did I know there was something new at hand. Something I had not been trained to defend. “Dawan, grandma said if I got remarried to James (explain in a minute) you would stop coming home to visit.” I’m like, “I never said that.” My mom is like, “Well it hurt my feelings.” I’m like, “I never said that.” This statement frustrated me for three reasons. One, my grandmother is using me like a lonely pawn with with her queen in harms way to say something she really feels. Two, because my mom could have just come out and asked me if I care if she gets remarried, she doesn’t have to go into this he said she said. And Three, because I NEVER SAID THAT! Dang…
Back story on James: During my sophomore college summer break I went out of town for a week durin…the second week of July (that’s right I remember the exact week so you know its important), James decided he needed some extra cash and stole 120 of my CDs. 120 CDs? You know how long it takes to acquire that many CDs when you’re young? You save up a long time to get that $15 to buy a CD. Plus he stole my 112. The first CD son!!! You know the joint with Cupid and the shout out to Diddy (#12)? You just don’t know, the way you make us feel, through your work and through your visions so young, black, and gifted, ohh Yeah that one… So my mom says don’t worry she will just replace them. I’m like ma’ I just asked you for twenty dollas to go out tonight and you don’t have that. 120 CDs x $15, YOU DO THE MATH! I’m like we don’t even have the money to pay the tax on 120 CDs. Plus what does she look like going to a cd store and buying some of the CDs I listened to back then. Can I get the 112 first cd, R.Kelly Bump N Grind remix single and he doesn’t know the name of the actual CD but it’s by Master P and has the song Freak Hoes on it ?
Even though my frustration may be coming through here (just a little) I did a pretty good job of not letting her see, if I do say so myself.
Other then my small incident with my mother, this week has been pretty tight. I feel like the dude on VH1 when he is like, “guess who is having the best week ever.” My final visit with my nephews is concluded with a trip to my oldest nephew’s karate class family picnic. Yeah I know it may sound like my nephew is probably dangerous with his hands since he takes karate but poor kid, in the words of the great philosopher Jay-z, “he couldn’t bust a grape in a fruit fight.”
As a lot of you know, I like to eat, so anything involving food is a good look. Well that’s until the DJ, DJ Brad (nuff said), puts on the Cupid Shuffle, looks directly at me and says, “If you know how to do it come on up and show us how it’s done.” Sarcastically, my sister turns to me and goes, “Go ahead Daaaaawwwwaaaaannnnnnn, get up there and show them how it’s done.” Now I have nothing against white people but when I’m one of the only brothers around, the last thing you will see me do is showing off the latest and greatest hip hop moves. You never see me like, ok white people, first you crisscross your feet, do the snap, step across, Superman ‘hem hoes and finally UUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!! Not the kid…
So the picnic is over and its time for me to say good bye to all my family, M.I.C….K.E.Y, head for DC to pack and get on my flight. I hug my sisters and oldest nephew goodbye, and whisper to the youngest to do whatever he can to make sure his head doesn’t get as big as his older brother and mother. Finally my mom hugs me with that, I don’t want you to go look and after we embrace she always hits me with some words of wisdom for my trip. She goes, “You know Dawan…I was really hurt by what grandma said because I would think you would love me no matter what.” This lady has been carrying this with her all week just waiting to drop like it’s hot? I’m like, “mom!!!!! If you wanna get married then get married. I mean if wanna marry the 112 thief then go ahead. You don’t have to ask me.”
**Stop Blog** I know this sounds harsh, yes but its only because I love my mother and I know that replies like the one you are about to see are coming. **Ok roll Blog**
Too which she then replies, “I’m not even thinking about getting married. I just want to know what you think” You’re not thinking about getting married? So all this time you are expecting me to defend myself for something I never said, something that hurt your feeling but never actually happened/will happen?
Mom I love you to death but you made my head hurt.
